Terms of Service — Faction Treaty of Commerce & Cooperation

Ratified by the Council of Remaining Humans
Enforced under the Watch of the Big Flashlight

Article I — Purpose of This Treaty

This agreement governs all interactions between You (the Customer) and Us (the Merchants Who Haven’t Been Eaten Yet).
By accessing our site, placing an order, or otherwise engaging with our operations, you acknowledge this treaty and agree not to raid our supply caches.

Article II — Conditions of Membership

To join this trade pact, you must:

• Be a living human (or convincingly pretending)
• Provide accurate information when placing orders
• Not attempt to breach, hack, or otherwise infiltrate our systems
• Refrain from summoning hordes, intentionally or otherwise

Failure to comply may result in exile from the marketplace.

Article III — Goods & Services

We offer various items essential for morale, survival, and looking cool during the apocalypse.
Descriptions, images, and availability may shift due to supply shortages, courier mishaps, or spontaneous bunker fires.

We reserve the right to modify or discontinue products without prior warning, though we try not to be jerks about it.

Article IV — Pricing & Payment

All prices are listed in standard pre‑apocalypse currency.
Payment is processed through secure third‑party systems sworn to neutrality in all faction conflicts.

We do not accept bottle caps, mystery meat, or “favors” as payment.

Article V — Order Acceptance

Your order becomes official once we confirm it.
We may refuse or cancel orders if:

• Supplies run out
• Your payment fails
• Your address is clearly a trap
• You appear to be a zombie attempting to buy merch (we’ve seen it happen)

Article VI — Conduct Within the Marketplace

You agree not to:

• Disrupt the site
• Spread malware, misinformation, or spores
• Attempt to reverse‑engineer our systems
• Use our products for unlawful purposes (or extremely dumb ones)

Article VII — Liability & Risk

We do our best to provide accurate info and reliable service, but:

• We are not responsible for delays caused by weather, carriers, or undead interference
• We are not liable for damages resulting from misuse of our products, including but not limited to: improvised weaponry, barricade reinforcement, or dramatic slow‑motion action scenes
• We cannot guarantee uninterrupted access to the site during solar flares or bunker power rationing

Use our site at your own risk, brave survivor.

Article VIII — Termination of Treaty

Either party may end this agreement at any time.
If you violate the treaty, we may revoke your access faster than you can say “incoming horde.”

Article IX — Amendments

We may update this treaty as needed to adapt to shifting conditions, new threats, or improved trade routes.
Changes take effect upon posting.
We’ll notify you of major updates unless we’re busy relocating the bunker.

Article X — Contact & Diplomacy

For disputes, questions, or peaceful negotiations: [email protected]

We respond within 1–2 business days, assuming the watchtower remains intact.